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Thursday, 10 September 2009

  • I miss Arab-land.
    But then I go over there... and I miss America-land.

    Here, I'm an Arab.
    Over there, I'm an American.

    Haha... my parents think I'm just whiney when I try to talk to them about that, but it's really a problem for me. I don't know why it's such a problem. You'd think I'd just get over it and... that's that.

    My siblings don't seem to mind.
    No one other than Yusif and Yunus seem to mind. And they don't seem to mind as much as I feel like I mind. And, of course, they came during middle school, straight out of Ghana. So, duh.
    But I was born here!
    What's the problem!

    And then there's The Namesake. And I showed that film to my parents in attempts to get them to realise that I really do feel like this is a semi-problem... but they don't seem to grasp it.
    I tried telling them. I tried showing them. It's a failure. Whatever.
    I probably am whiney.


    But!! I did part of my homework.
    I have so so so so sooo much more to do.
    My entire day, from 12-9 was occupied.
    I went from meeting to class to meeting to meeting to meeting and then to class.
    Like... soo many meetings today. And I even managed to miss 2 of them because, last night, they all decided they wanted to have their meetings at noon?
    Ugh! Not happening!

    Also, making new ringtones for my phone. And I just love this:


Sunday, 06 September 2009

Friday, 04 September 2009

  • Yesterday I went to dinner with one of my girls. (Would've been 2... but we won't get into that >:/). She so graciously waited with me until iftar, and then we went to an Indian restaurant. (OMG DELICIOUS.)
    Anyway.
    Then we went to get smoothies. (Blueberry Pineapple... AAH. 3 more hours til iftar. :P)
    We stood in line, and right behind us came these 2 guys, obviously from the university. No big deal, whatever.
    Well, then their friend came in. And I knew him.
    I went to school with him. In the 3rd grade, I remember I told him he was lame and proceeded to punch his photo in the yearbook. lmao... It was friendly hatred, though.
    Then he got to high school and I think that's when he realised he could use the fact that his dad is the biggest businessman and richest man in this town to his advantage. He became a hot shot baseball player and talked to no one that wasn't in his group.

    Well, you know what... all that seems to change when you get to college. Everyone humbles again. It's kind of like a mature humble, again. You wave and smile to people from your school, you might even talk to them... despite the fact you never  talked to them in high school.

    I'm always surprised when this happens.
    And that's what happened.
    He was hugging his guys and high-fiving them, and I could hear them talking to him about baseball or something (he plays for the university and I assume they were his teammates) and he stops, mid conversation, and goes, "Hey you, how's it goin?"

    So of course, when I heard my name, I instinctively turned around and was said hey... but it was strange.

    I don't know why it's strange. He recognized me and proceeded to say hello.

    Then I got to thinking, when I finally get around to wearing hijab... (not that it matters much) will people recognize me, will they still say hi, or will they be scared?
    How do you go from knowing someone as one thing, and then knowing them as something else?

    It's always weird to see people I know in their army uniforms or when they come back from training or whatever. First of all, I alwaysalwaysalways get nervous when I'm around anyone in the military. And it's not just me, I'm taking Arabic with Brittany, and she said they army people in our class make her nervous. And she mentioned this first, out of the blue! And how relieved I was. I thought I was being judgmental or something.
    I don't know why it makes me anxious. But it does.

    So not only do I see these people I know and get anxious, but it's just strange. Like, when did you get all muscle-y?!

    Or when someone gains weight or gets pregnant. Oh man, that's a terrible one. I literally do a double-take. I'm like, "Wait, is that...?"

    So... it's a natural thing to look different. But I still wonder how many people that I went to school with will stop talking to me or just not realize it's me.

    I'll have the chance to clean-up my act.
    I'm working on my cursing. That's my main problem, right now. I say something, and then I realise, OH NO, WHY DID I SAY THAT?! And I do this thing where, if I realize before I say it that I'm going to say a curse word, I say "fruitloops". And it's such a mouthful... that it works.  It sounds silly, it's less hurtful, and though I mean to say something else, I still express anger... but in a better way. I should just... not want to express anger that way, but I'm working on it. :( I promise!


    I don't know what's stopping me from just walking outside with a hijab right now.
    Like... my mom doesn't. My sisters don't. My Aunt does after she came back from Hajj. 1 of her 4 daughters does, just out of the blue.
    Then on my dad's side, no one but the old ladies do.
    And it's crazy, because one of my second cousins was a 2006 contestant in Miss Egypt.. so she did the swimsuit modeling or something. Which is really the only part of the entire thing that kind of threw off my entire family. Like.. "uhh... does she know she's walking out, infront of millions of people, half naked?"


    Btw. http://ohitwontbeforever.xanga.com/705894496/lift-the-veil/
    Awesome.
    Seriously.
    Love it!


    And funny how during the summer, I didn't update as much, but not that I actually have work to do, I update. Hahaha...
    Off to finish my Statistics project. :( GROSS.
  • I was so sure that I wanted to do nursing a few months ago, but now I'm beginning to question.
    It's pre-Physical Therapy vs. Nursing.

    I wouldn't really mind doing either job for the rest of my life. I really just like the medical field.

    When I volunteered at the hospital, I swore to myself I would never do nursing. Of course, I sat with the nurses that whined, stapled papers, and opened boxes all day. I wanted to do something medical.
    Then I talked to some people and looked up some stuff and I found that there are actually nurses who don't whine and actually get to do medical stuff. Sports medicine nurses, CRNAs, etc etc.

    So, now, I figure if I do nursing. I will get a BSN, the 4 year undergraduate degree, then continue on to do CRNA and do the joint program to get an MBA.
    I'm pre-Nursing, right now, because I have to wait until Jan. 15 to turn in my Nursing application and to get the pre-requisites and stuff. I'm taking most of them now, plus more, so I should be ok.


    But then there's Physical Therapy. I've always loved athletic stuff. It's always been a super interest to me. I volunteered with the inpatient physical therapists at the hospital, where they helped the old people out... and I volunteered at the outpatient where they also had old people, but they weren't hospitalized, and they got a bunch of athletes and stuff. I liked them both. It was sad to see all the immobile old people, but I still liked it.

    So with PT, I'd do a 4 year undegrad degree and get all the pre-requisites. I have most of them except for Physics. Organic chemistry is an option.
    I'm not too fond of the physics or chemistry, but the rest of the classes in this program seem so fun.


    So I like both of them. I wouldn't mind doing either job. Both of them take basically the same amount of years. I figure both of them make approximately the same amount of money once you gather up the years and depending on where you work.
    The problem is: what do I want to do?
    I figure I could find a job in either profession that would work around having a family. CRNAs have a little more overtime, but whatever.


    Right now, all the classes I have count for both majors... which is awesome. Who would've thought that'd work out? The problem is, starting next semester, like in 3 months, I'll have to start taking classes that are partial to the major.


    Another thing is, and I know I shouldn't worry about this... but I do, all the Arabs/Muslims/Mosque people on campus are doing either: Biology, Chemistry, Biochemistry with a pre-Med track. I used to be one of those. And then I realised I don't want to go to med school and I just don't care enough to be that competitive in my life. I hate being that competitive and I'd rather not spend my life in school, and every doctor I've ever met has never had time for their family. Especially the women.
    And I just don't want it. That's that.
    I told my parents, and they're fine.

    I've told a few of my Arab friends, and they just kind of think like... "uhh, ok, whatever." Of course, they're still fresh out of high school and are rather ambitious. I was once ambitious. Sigh.

    But, now, it's starting to hit me. Like, this isn't a game.

    But I ran into another friend of mine, and I told her I was on my way to anatomy. This anatomy class doesn't count for any of the natural science/pre-med tracks. It only counts for nursing, and the athletic training/pre-med track... but I'm pretty sure she doesn't know about that. She's a senior, has taken the MCAT, has 4 different minors already, and she's pretty much set.
    And she was like, "Anatomy? You know that doesn't count for a biomedical degree, right?"
    And I was like, "Yeah, but it's fun."
    And she goes, "That's what the dumb nurses have to take."
    And just every one of the kids I go to mosque with around here have this idea that... if you're not studying to be a doctor, engineer, or lawyer... you're too dumb, or something. In my graduating class, we did a litle program... every.single.one.of.us had the intention of doing pre-med or pre-dental.
    I know Nishan had originally been debating between business and pre-med, and I'm not sure what he is now, becuase he goes to a different university, but still.

    Ugh. I don't want them to think less of me, and I know it's silly because it's -my- life and it shouldn't matter what -they- say. But it does matter. In all honesty, it really does matter to me. I could hardly care less what anyone who isn't from the mosque says... they can think I'm stupid, smart... whatever. I don't care about them.
    Just the Arabs - since that's what I'm classified as, and the Muslims - since that's whose opinion I care about the most.
    I've never really been great friends with many of the Arabs around here because they're all entirely so judgmental about such things. I wasn't the best Arabic speaker because I didn't go to Syria every summer and hire a tutor, and they mde fun of me for it. I cried and whined so much and told my parents I didn't want to go to Arabic Sunday School with them and instead went to the other one where they didn't learn Arabic, they just discussed and read the Quran. I loved it so much more. No one was as judgmental.


    My parents are like, "Don't care what they say, do what you want."
    Easier said than done, my parentals, easier said than done.



    Also, I think this fear of seeming inadequate to them stems from the fact that I Feel inadequate because I have no idea what I want to do.
    I asked my sister, she said nursing.
    I asked Mike, he said nursing.
    My mom seems to think nursing is good.
    Dad seems to think that you can do the nursing major and then still go do PA or med school or something... little does he know that the classes are entirely different. But whatever. So he doesn't really care what I do as lond as I do it well.


    They are so desperate for nurses... everywhere. I'm fairly certain I'd find a job anywhere with nursing.
    They still want PTs... but not as much.

    With Nursing, they "urgently need" CRNAs and nurses in general for the "Doctors Without Borders"... which is something I seriously consider (it also helps that if you work with them for 6 months or longer, they pay off your student loans... so what better to pay off your student loans and help the rest of the world? Sounds perfect to me).
    "Doctors without Borders" don't want PTs. Of course, I'm sure I could offer PT services for such a cause anywhere else, too.


    It's essentially the same amount of schooling.
    A slightly different degree.
    I don't know.
    I just need to make a decision and I want to get everyone's opinion. :( Tell me your opinion, please?! I beg of you !

    I think I need to do like 2395843068 prayers of Istikhara.
    Does anyone know if I am I allowed to write the dua on a paper and read off of it while I'm praying until I memorise it?

    Ramadan kareem to all. It's been a good Ramadan, so far. :)

Wednesday, 02 September 2009

  • It really annoys me when people think they're photographers just because they zoom in on a flower or icicle or something.
    All these hipster kids that claim they're photographers... they annoy me. I don't know why.
    Probably because anyone with a decent camera can take a photo and it look good. Half the time, no one has talent, and they think they're talented.

    Maybe I'm jealous.
    Because I've had this idea in my mind for like 2-3 years, and I never start it because it just seems stupid.

    But I think I'll try it. I don't know how, I don't know where I'll get the money or anything.. but I guess I'll give it another go.


    Why should everyone else get to do the things they truly want to do and I'm sitting here conforming to society just to make it through?
    I guess it's not really conforming, but I feel like I'm just another one on the assembly line. I've done nothing interesting or out of the ordinary or that is in my mind. I do what is expected of me, to achieve what is expected of me.
    It bothers me, and I don't know how to change it.


    I'm going to go pray!